Christmas baubles of horror

So, it’s the season where Carol rage escalates, and too much late night shopping is never enough time. Personally, I’m most disturbed by these enormous Christmas decorations at the Macarthur Centre on Edward Street. I wouldn’t like to be standing under one.
christmas baubles of horror

Hi-res version of image here.

Condemn away. You know you want to.

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Posted in levity, life
43 comments on “Christmas baubles of horror
  1. Darlene says:

    It’d be a crap way to go; death by giant Christmas decoration.

  2. mbahnisch says:

    Yeah!

  3. Liam Hogan says:

    Aren’t three hanging globes the usual sign for a hock shop?

  4. Yellow star on red background – now where have I seen this before? I hereby condemn this admixture of communism and consumerism and importation of seasonal slogans such as “Hồ Hồ Hồ… Chí Minh – Merry Christmas.”

    BTW: was Carol in a rage when she saw this? Or just a little irritated?

  5. mbahnisch says:

    Christmas carol rage, I mean!

  6. anthony says:

    “Aren’t three hanging globes the usual sign for a hock shop?”

    That, and testicular cancer

  7. Paul Burns says:

    Na. Look, they’re only paper.
    Aren’t they?
    I’m sure there are all sorts of Xmas decorations around Armidale. I haven’t noticed.
    Its the terrible music and the people who never ralk to you at any other time of year who bug me. Not that I really want to talk to them in the first place.

  8. mbahnisch says:

    No they’re not paper – they’re very solid looking and the wires holding them up don’t look all that strong!

  9. Liam Hogan says:

    I don’t mind the terrible Christmas music, Paul.
    Only the other day when I had to get off the train at the Countrylink stations at Central, I found myself whistling along to that lovely song about the Tannenbaum, you know, the one that goes “though cowards flinch and traitors sneer”, etc. etc.

  10. mbahnisch says:

    “Marching down Marx Street, formerly Queen Street”, then, would be quite appropriate for Brisbane’s shopping hub to get us all in a festive mood.

  11. mbahnisch says:

    Though I suppose some sort of PC grinchness would see the chorus “Death to the Tories!” bowdlerised. Why do the right hate Christmas?

  12. Paul Burns says:

    Liam,
    A Xmas Carol about John Howard – who would have thought.
    Thanks for putting me straight about the safety of the decorations, Mark. Do you get windy summer storms in Brisbane or hail that could knock them off? (I can only remember the terrible heat the last time I was there in summer. Love the place in winter though.) Like could a weather event blow trhem down on some-one’s head?

  13. mbahnisch says:

    Well we do get violent storms in summer, Paul, but they’re inside the shopping centre!

  14. Mindy says:

    Just when I thought I’d finished Xmas shopping, the eldest confides to Santa that he wants a racecar for Xmas. Dashed to the shops and found one. Now, can’t have an uneven number of presents between eldest and youngest, so now I have to find something for the littley. Bah Humbug!

  15. Ignominious as death by Christmas bauble might be, can it really match the horror of the Melbourne Central clock striking the hour? That thing is causing human misery roughly 18 times a day, 365 days of the year. The baubles, on the other hand, will be taken down after Christmas and they won’t re-appear until they’ve been remodelled a bit so that they can be hung up as giant Easter eggs.

    Let’s try to keep a sense of proportion here.

  16. DrJon says:

    …it’s the season where Carol rage escalates…

    I’ll tell her you said that. ;}P>

  17. Helen says:

    Just when I thought I’d finished Xmas shopping, the eldest confides to Santa that he wants a racecar for Xmas. Dashed to the shops and found one. Now, can’t have an uneven number of presents between eldest and youngest, so now I have to find something for the littley. Bah Humbug!

    Why not keep one of the littley’s presents for another time, or for when he’s invited to a birthday party? or you could put it under one of those trees they often have at chain stores to distribute to poor kids. The presents I mean, not the trees.

    We haven’t got a nice piney smelling tree this year because they’re now $45 -and I know it’s the drought, so I don’t begrudge it, but I won’t pay it. Although it’s too late this year, I noticed in a conservation mag I subscribe to that a State park a couple hours drive away has a problem with feral pinus radiata getting in there. And the one in the photo were quite small. Ya see where I’m goin’ here?… Pre-Xmas picnic and bushwalk on the cards next yule…

  18. Paul Burns says:

    Hear tell, Gummo, courtesy of the Worst Jobs in Christmas History on ABC TV, that in some communities in England they could ring the church-bells 2007 times on Xmass Eve. Now wouldn’t that make your Xmas. (I am assuming, of course, that bell-ringers still do this sort of thing back Home.)

  19. hannah's dad says:

    We chickened out on trying to thoughtfully match gifts to people this year.
    Went down the trendy path instead and bought the gift vouchers idea from Oxfam, you know, pay for some chickens in a poor country on behalf of a relly and have a card sent to that person telling them their Chrissy gift was …whatever. Did try to match them up a bit tho’.
    My daughter will be informed she is sponsoring an indigenous granny for a craft course, my grandson is sponsoring a bicycle and so on.
    Won’t tell you who is sponsoring the pig.

  20. aidan says:

    True horror … Bronners Christmas Wonderland:

    Bronner’s was founded in 1945 by Wally Bronner. When Wally painted his first sign over 50 years ago, little did he dream that his small business would one day become the world’s largest Christmas store visited by millions of people. Open 361 days of the year, Bronner’s features over 50,000 trims and gifts, including Christmas ornaments, artificial Christmas trees, Christmas lights, Nativity scenes, Christmas decorations, collectibles, and more.

    Bronner’s Silent Night Memorial Chapel is open daily for viewing and meditation. Every evening Bronner’s ½-mile long Christmas Lane glistens with thousands of twinkling lights. Over two million people, including 2,000 group tours, visit Bronner’s attraction annually.

    When someone I know quite well went there (NOT ME .. HONEST!) they had a little jewish section .. but it appears now the zionist amongst us will just have to make do with a star of david bauble.

    They even had snowflakes spray painted on the carpark ashphalt … apparently, so I am told, by someone else.

    Their catalogue is worth perusing .. a personal fave is the USA Flag Patriotic 20 Light Set.

  21. aidan says:

    Hannah’s Dad .. whilst not wishing to be a downer with the aid-gift thing I came this worldWRITE site which questioned the “appropriate technology” message and the gifting of livestock etc:

    http://www.worldwrite.org.uk/keepingafricasmall/index2.html

    I don’t know if they have a beef (like some crazy neo-Marxists a la the Great Global Warming Swindle) but some of the stuff their interviewees said did ring true.

    Just sayin’

  22. Mindy says:

    Helen, that would be too sensible. And I’d probably forget to hide it so it would be found quickly post Xmas anyway.

  23. Pollytickedofff says:

    “We haven’t got a nice piney smelling tree this year because they’re now $45”

    Bargain price , grab one while they’re cheap Helen.

    The cheapest I have seen so far is $80. That was in Marrickville. In Double Bay $110.00!

  24. Greg says:

    I find the the winter iconography disconcerting, and piped-in music overly sweetened. There’s a guy in the George St. tunnel at Central who sings “Away in a Manager” – nice voice, but over and over again. I could stand another song as that Baby Jebus stuff didn’t do much for me even when I was a kid. Still, the bus strewn with tinsel and garland was festive and cheered me up at the end of a bad day.

  25. Helen says:

    $80 – $110 for a Xmas tree?

    Fark!

    No, I’m going for the … picnic (sticks hands in pockets; whistles; looks innocent.)Maybe there’ll even be time next Sunday if I can get all the shopping stuff done in time.

  26. Pollytickedofff says:

    “Fark!”

    About how I felt when I saw the price. What amused me was the Eastern Suburbs price was higher for what looked like an inferior tree.

  27. aidan says:

    We thought we got ripped off when we paid $27.50 (up from $22 last year).

    Who’d have thought Canberra was cheap eh? They don’t even charge for the included red-backs.

  28. Andyc says:

    aidan (26): “Who’d have thought Canberra was cheap eh? They don’t even charge for the included red-backs.”

    INCLUDED???!!!!!

    Our microscopic little desktop synthetic tree didn’t come with any redbacks. Not even rubber ones.

    We’ve been done!

    Gummo Trotsky (15): “Ignominious as death by Christmas bauble might be, can it really match the horror of the Melbourne Central clock striking the hour? “

    (i) Wasn’t it Marc Almond of Soft Cell who was nearly killed live on stage by a plummeting mirror ball?

    (ii) If thou likest not the icky Melbourne Central clock (personally, I find it makes me nostalgic for Hobart…) then hie thee out of the Lion and go forth and enjoy Gog and Magog in the Royal Arcade instead. And lobby for serving of nice draft beers within earshot.

  29. Greg says:

    You are fortunate your shopping centres even open; over here in the West they are closed at night except on Thursdays, thanks to our antiquated trading hours laws.

  30. Nabakov says:

    Here’s a handy spacesaving yuletide decoration suggestion.

  31. mbahnisch says:

    You are fortunate your shopping centres even open; over here in the West they are closed at night except on Thursdays, thanks to our antiquated trading hours laws.

    They’re open til 9pm in town every night this week and til midnight on Friday. Chermside’s open 24/7 on the weekend, I think.

    It was pretty bizarre walking around the Perth CBD on a Sunday when I was over there…

  32. Amanda says:

    Here in El-Nowheresville, Egypt surprisingly (to me) Christmas is BIG. They have whole shops at regular intervals devoted to all manner of red and white sparkly tat and one is confronted by Santa and plastic trees at every turn. A wee bit more slaughtering of live animals on the footpath maybe, but other than that just like home.

    Happy Eid Al-Adha to all!

  33. hannah's dad says:

    aidan @21
    Thanks for that…I think.
    We’ve always been suss about suchlike, for some years we ‘sponsored’ a child [local village more accurately] in Egypt but stopped after about 10 years.
    We have never been quite sure what to do and how it should be done. This time we went with Oxfam because we thought they have a good reputation but I take the point from the link you gave, that the ‘giving small’ may not be the right thing. But what is the right thing? I don’t have the answers and at this stage we’ll go with doing something that we hope may help. But you have given us food for thought and while I don’t know that what your link says is correct I don’t know that it is wrong either.
    I’ll have a think and meanwhile thanks for causing me to do so.

  34. mbahnisch says:

    You might consider a donation to Medicins San Frontieres, hannah’s dad – which I do on a monthly basis. Their funding goes to systemic public health improvement as well as humanitarian intervention.

  35. mbahnisch says:

    Hope you’re enjoying Egypt, Amanda!

  36. aidan says:

    Hannah’s Dad:

    I didn’t mean to bum you out, in fact I came upon the worldWRITE site because I put “oxfam pile of shit” into google. I was intending to buy a friend a pile of poo for Chistmas.

    I don’t know about that site either. Seems someone has an axe to grind so it is hard to assess it’s veracity. One point against is that the Bolta links to it approvingly.

    MSF sounds like a good idea Mark. I’ll try that maybe.

    Andyc:

    If you are feeling left out I can collect some of the friendly red-backs that infest my place and we can arrange to have them put in your tree. I’m not convinced they’d stay there for very long however …

  37. Tony D says:

    fafblog nostalgia moment

    The Giant Christmas Baubbles Of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!

  38. Enemy Combatant says:

    Cruise a highway, any old highway will do, but place a hacksaw in vehicle before cruising commenceth. Areas around overpasses are a good place to find juvenile pines growing between fenced property and the rim of the carriageway.

    Fell a pine tree appropriate for domestic requirements. Be discreet. Should an en passent member of her majesty’s ever vigilant and watchful constabulary question you on your choice of yuletide radiata(do the Christian thing and just take one, don’t be greedy) explain how you are about to pop the tree off at the orphanage with all the other prezzos for the poor little blighters(show copper bootful of your kids’ toys requisitioned for such a contingency) because you deeply care about their welfare while the rest of us are stuffing our guts.

    Forking out good fat for bottled water is one thing, but $110 for a friggin’ pine treelet would render Mammon, for however brief a moment, transactionless.

    With the $45-$110 that you just “saved”, consider doing what The Prince of Peace whose bithday is being celebrated might do, and take you vehicle on Christmas morning to where society’s flotsam and jetson gather and politely ask the first two people you see back to your home to share your feast.

  39. Zarquon says:

    $110 – a bargain. Christmas doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

  40. j_p_z says:

    To Hannah’s Dad and others who were considering new objectives for their year-end philanthropy, give a thought to giving to “Sisters of the Road” (sistersoftheroad.org), who provide the homeless with free and healthy meals, counseling, and friendly support, all in an atmosphere that emphasizes personal human dignity. This time of year they have a matching-grant challenge, and donations from new donors will be matched 150% (I’m not making this up.) But it has to be received by Dec. 31 for the matching donation to kick in. Talk about a bang for your buck. There are probably also org’s like this in Australia; and if there aren’t, well, there should be. (Do you folks have things that are the equivalent of God’s Love We Deliver and/or Angel Food?)

    anyway, Merry Christmas!

  41. […] leave you, as a bit of a counterpoint to the Christmas Baubles of Doom, with some images of Angels over Brisbane I’ve taken over the last few days on Christmas […]

  42. jo says:

    gads, didn’t even notice the decorations which were up at the jungo. head down on a mission:

    xmas tree $40 at harris farm – up & decorated on the 9th. neighbours put up xmas lights on barge-board – tick.

    xmas cards posted – tick.

    street xmas party attended – tick.

    pressies bought for teachers, school office, out of school care centre, choir teachers, nippers teachers, best friends at school. 4 xmas parties attended – tick.

    family xmas on 15th – presents bought & wrapped, food made, all over and the left-over ham cut off bone, and put into doggie bags by 5pm – tick.

    work functions attended – tick.

    child choir concert at recital hall on monday night gorne (broadcast on ABC Classic FM on 24/12 at 8pm for those that like their carols traditional) – tick.

    end of school picnic tomorrow. last day of work tomorrow.

    child on plane on 23rd for 3 weeks in melbourne.

    feet up, gin & tonic & a jazz cigarette on the couch on 24th.

    breathe out.

  43. Pollytickedofff says:

    Update:

    They musn’t have been selling too many of the trees at $110. Now available at bargain price of $55.

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